The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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