guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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