So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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