My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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