Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize