All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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