i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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