i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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