oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
