so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Pooping to opera.
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