; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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