Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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