i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
