tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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