I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
