i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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