i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I understand Curling. That high.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
