You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
