One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
either way he was missing a nipple.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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