life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
