I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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