Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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