I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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