Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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