DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
