Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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