Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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