She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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