i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize