I'm laying in your front yard are you home
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
