She said her name was "party"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
