So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
