If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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