People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The best revenge is premature balding
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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