becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
