she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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