Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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