Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
