Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
