would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
