I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
