Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
