Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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