dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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