fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
