You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
