Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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