if i can run in heels then i can drive
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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