I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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