Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
