the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
