When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
