3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
