So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
