literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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