I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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