She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
