THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
