Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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