Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
