i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
