I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
