I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
