Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
