Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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